Tag Archives: Taoism

“Though the surface of the water remains calm,
the fish still play underneath.”
~ Unknown

Each of us has a depth that other people never see. In fact, most of us are unaware of our own depth. We peel back layers like an onion and get glimpses as we go. But how often do we surprise ourselves with what we find? How often do we look closely enough at ourselves to be surprised? Not often enough. But maybe I’m just talking about myself.

Have you ever had something unpleasant happen to you and wondered why? Maybe a relationship or a job gone awry. Or even a test that you didn’t do so well at? Did you take the time to dig down to the root cause of why it started going sideways? Or did you play the blame game?

“The man who can smile when things go wrong has thought of someone else he can blame it on.” ~ Robert Bloch

It was all her fault.

I was the perfect boyfriend/wife/companion.

The test was rigged. No one could pass that.

The company’s rules are stupid.

My thesis was perfect. The professor is biased.

I was the best candidate for that job.

He is just an asshole.

“I wanted to change the world. But I have found that the only thing one can be sure of changing is oneself.”
~ Aldous Huxley

Life is not perfect. In fact, that is what makes life fun and unpredictable. No matter how carefully we plan, we often have unexpected things happen to us. We study mercilessly for what we think will be on the test, but the one chapter that wasn’t on the syllabus is featured. We say and do all of the things that we would want or girlfriend to say and do, and that’s exactly the wrong thing to say or do. We over-think the job interview and say too much or not enough to get the job. We act friendly to people who don’t want it, and not friendly enough to the people that do. And the you realize…

…there is no how-to manual for life.

Maybe it’s just me. In my experience, and I have a lot of experience with failing miserably, I am always the last one that I blame for my problems. I’m a blamer. I blame everyone except the person who is responsible for the root cause of my problems. Me. I would rather blame someone else than admit that I suck. For those of you who have suffered from my shortcomings, I apologize. I’m a little old to be figuring this out, but at least I’m trying.

So I’ll make you a pledge, the next time I fail, probably tomorrow or the next day, I will look no farther than myself to blame. Unless it is some other bastards fault. Then I’ll cry “Foul!”

b’AWARE ~ Consciousness is a magical elixir of realization and enlightenment. Catch a snowflake on your tongue. Make someone smile. Be aLIVE today. ~ Brother T

I’m not a philosopher. I have never been successful at any one thing in life. Mediocre at much. Excellent at nothing. It is only after I learned that life is not about indulging oneself in any whim or want, that I learned that the world does not revolve around the man known as Brother T.

A decade ago I was a hot mess. Stress had me stacked up like a Jenga game with too many pieces missing. I was business first and everything else second. I never smiled. I never greeted anyone who crossed my path. I wanted what I needed and I wanted it now.

One day I walked into the office of the company that I was working for, went straight to the woman who was in charge of that department and demanded some stupid insignificant thing. It never occurred to me that anything could be more important than the thing that I wanted. Of course I got it. I’m sure that I heard an “asshole” whispered under her breath. I didn’t care. I got what I needed.

Upon exiting the room, I was immediately accosted by my girlfriend. She dressed me down for not being civil, asking how my co-worker was doing, not enquiring as to how her ailing father was holding up. In other words, being a rude asshole. Now the girlfriend, who I’m happy to report found herself a non-asshole for a husband, was from a foreign land. She was an alien not only to the USA, but also to the rat race that was ruling my life. The lesson that I learned from her was that there is nothing more important than being civil and friendly. The funny afterwards of the story is that I greeted the co-worker the next day, asked after the ailing father. She complained to our collective boss that I was “nice to her but faking it.”

“Who is the happiest of men? He who values the merits of others, and in their pleasure takes joy, even as though t’were his own.” ~
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

I’ve become a firm believer in the ability of the individual to bring a sense of joy and happiness to virtually everyone that they come into contact with on a daily basis. I knock on doors and talk to people for a living. Twenty to thirty people per day open their door for me. Most of them do not want to see me. They do not think that they need home improvements. They resist my intrusion into their free time. That’s okay. My main mission is to make them smile and laugh. Once I make that happen, we are on the same team. It is US against THEM. So I say and do whatever I can, no matter how outrageous (but always legal and in good taste) to make that happen. I can honestly say that I get as much if not more joy from the smiles and laughs than these strangers do.

“There are those who give with joy, and that joy is their reward.” ~
Kahlil Gibran

Saturday I woke up feeling less than human. I decided to take a long walk up High Street to my current library of choice. Even though the temperature was hovering at fifteen degrees, there was a steady stream of pedestrians, joggers and bicyclists out on the main drag. I made it a point to address every one of them. The beauty of our neighborhood is the diversity. There are probably one hundred different nationalities living within two miles of my home. It helps that I live on the fringe of the largest and most diverse university in the United States, The Ohio State University. I pimped for smiles and by golly I got em. It was a spectacular two hour tour. I felt like the King of High Street by the time I was done.

“You shall have joy, or you shall have power, said God; you shall not have both” ~
Ralph Waldo Emerson

“The Sage of Concord” got this one only half right. If you have joy and you share it, you will have power. The world is a rat race. It keeps spinning faster and faster. People have to hold on for dear life in order to survive. It is stressful and numbing. Yet few walk among us through life as a fish swims through water. Effortlessly. Joyfully. Happily. As I journey into the second half of my life, I find that if I hold on too tight then life gets hard. But if I can walk at just the right pace, give smiles to all who cross my path, and take time to smell the… pick your euphemism, and life becomes ever so much easier. If that’s not power, I don’t know what is.

Joy to Power,
Brother T

“There is in the world now really no moral social order at all.” ~ Confucius The Doctrine of the Mean 5

These words from 2500 years ago ring especially true today, one day after a gunman went on a rampage that claimed six lives in Tucson, Arizona. The rhetoric in this country has flowed over the edges of the chalice. Extremists on both sides of the political aisle have seized the reigns of our country and are driving us towards another (un)civil war.

“You lie!”
– Congressman Joe Wilson (R-SC) during President Obama’s address to a joint session of Congress.

“I would kill George Bush”
– Kirsten Dunst, if she was Spiderman for a day

”The America I know and love is not one in which my parents or my baby with Down Syndrome will have to stand in front of Obama’s ‘death panel.”’
—Sarah Palin, in a message posted on Facebook about Obama’s health care reform plan, Aug. 7, 2009

“[Go] F*ck yourself”
– Dick Cheney shows off his debating skills against Sen. Patrick Leahy

”He has no place in any station of government and we need to realize that he is an enemy of humanity.”
—Rep. Trent Franks (R-AZ), on President Obama’s decision to fund international family planning organizations that support legal abortion, Sept. 26, 2009

How has it come to this? How have we devolved to the point where our once genteel form of politics has become a daily brawl to see who can het in the best and most inflammatory sound bite? I firmly believe that this heightened state of rhetoric is directly responsible for the shootings in Arizona. It’s been a long walkup to the current state of affairs. Americans on the fringe have felt disenfranchised for years. Soundbites that might seem witty and edgy to our elected officials and celebrities turn into rallying cries to the down-trodden.

Enough with the biting rhetoric. Yes, you have freedom of speech. Yes, you are free to say what you want. But mind your words and say what you really mean and not what makes the most shocking sound bite. That is what gets people killed.

Namaste,
Brother T

Fear is a killer. It kills joy. It kills creativity. It causes inactivity and paralysis. Fear is not your friend. A few years ago, I attended a leadership workshop with my contemporaries in one of the largest corporations in the world. The company spent untold hundreds of thousands of dollars on the event. The idea was to take the organization the next level. To make the company world class in every way. To motivate the troops. To cause a groundswell of customer service. It was exhilarating to see 2500 of the combat leaders of this company swell with energy and pride as the presentation reached its apex. Our top level leaders in the corporation were revealed as former cooks and dishwashers who now, twenty-odd years later are Executives, Officers, and Directors in a multi-national, multi-billion dollar company. I found myself caught up in the enthusiasm.

I have one lasting memory from this leadership conference. It was the final exercise of many in the program, an exercise in self-empowerment and self-discovery. A motivational speaker rose to the stage and began slowly building the crowd to a frenzy. We were asked to examine or biggest fears. Each of us was asked to look deep into our hearts to pluck out the biggest fear that we had. I reached into my heart of hearts and found success. Yes, success. Of all the things to be fearful of, be it unemployment, homelessness, large rabid dogs, hunger, thirst, monsters, the end of the world- my biggest fear was success. Irrational right?

I know that I’m a bright guy. So why did I never finish college? I have an athletic body type. So why did I never strive for more on the field of play? I have been a competent manager of small organizations. So why did I never strive to be the best manager in the company? I love music. So why did I never learn to play an instrument? I have had many great friends over the years. Why have I never been a better friend to them? I am a talented writer. I am brimming with ideas and stories. Why can I not write them to completion?

Is it possible that I fear success?
Is it possible that I fear happiness?
Is it possible that I fear joy?
Is it possible that I fear love?
I believe all of these things to be true.

In the exercise that followed the speech, we were all given a pine board. On one side we were asked to write our biggest fear on one side of the board. On the flip-side, we were asked to write the things that we would gain by braking through our biggest fear. I was caught up in the company frenzy, so I wrote some inane things that would help the company. I should have focused on what I could personally gain from breaking through of my fear of success.

We gathered into small groups based on locality and began to break our boards. I believe that I was among the first to finish. Once our group crashed through our biggest fears, we joined a larger group. Then we joined a still larger group. Everyone from four hundred pound men to little old grandmothers were breaking their boards. Finally the group congealed around one last lady, as she tried again and again to break through her fear on the stage in the middle of the auditorium. Finally, we let out a deafening roar as her board broke in two and she leapt in the air. It remains to this day a frozen moment in time. Magical.

Once the thrill of the mass hysteria dissipated, we were given a final pep-talk by our peerless leader. We were to take the message to the masses. To inspire the next dishwasher-turned- executive. We were now world-class managers. Our company would soar to new heights as the shiny place on the hill that all other restaurant companies would look up to. Well, you can probably guess the results. All of this was forgotten until I sat down to muse on fear.

I read. A Lot. Lately I have stumbled upon a website that has helped me break through my jumble of thoughts and focus on constructive ideals. I highly recommend Philosopher’s Notes to any of you seekers out there who desire a lot of wisdom in a little time. Brian Johnson is truly inspirational. He has found a way to earn a living doing something that he would be happy to pay for otherwise. I spend the first twenty minutes of every day listening to a Note. It is my way of meditating on what he calls The Big Ideas. Through the Notes, I found this definition of fear from Yasuhiko Genku Kimura that rang particularly true:

In Japanese, the word for fear is osore. Translated literally, this means disconnected from the universe. The “o” stands for the sacred thread that connects the soul to the universe. The word “sore” signifies disconnection.

When we surrender ourselves to fear, we are weakening our integration with nature. We are out of balance. The same could be said of many emotions, but fear seems to be among the most damning, along with anger, rage, and hate. I call these the Four Deadly Emotions. I ask you to contemplate these emotions. How do you feel when you surrender yourself to fear and anger, rage and hate? Are you in balance? Are you at peace with yourself? Do you have the feeling that you can conquer the world? I think not. Rather we should seek the balance of any situation.

Humans are the only beings in the animal kingdom who hold onto fear. Other animals certainly feel fear. It is naturally occurring. But animal feel a rational fear for a brief period of time and then let it go when the danger passes. Can you imagine a koala bear getting a stress related ulcer? It is unthinkable. Does that make a koala bear a more evolved animal that you or me? Certainly not. But I ask you this, can we revolve to the point where fear ceases to be more that a momentary reaction to an immediate danger. A shiver in our balance rather than a hundred-mile detour.

I have had my issues with all of the Four Deadly Emotions. I have been called a scary person. I have been warned of my over-reactions. I lost a job once because I allowed stress to overwhelm me to the point where I was emotionally debilitated. I have wondered at times if I am truly bi-polar. I can laugh about angry Terry now, but I have been rendered temporarily insane by rage. I make a conscious effort every day to find a balance in my life. When I can keep my focus on happiness and joy, I find that I can accomplish anything I set out to do. Keeping the stress in check is the key.

I have made marvelous strides in the last six months. I have found a partner who is the yang that shines on my dark yin. If you were to ask her, I’m sure that she would claim that I am the sunny yang to her yin. That is the beauty of our relationship. We each give the other what we need, and take only what is necessary to live. We are a million times stronger together than we are apart. I was a broken shell when we connected. She has painstakingly put me back together. I pledge my life to her in return. She is beauty. She makes me beauty. WE are BEAUTIFUL. We are the LIFE that I have waited so long to live.

So I urge you to reach out. Find the things in life that make you happy. Share your joy. In this way you can cast out the Four Deadly Emotions and keep them in a tiny box within your heart. This way you can pull them out from time to time. Laugh at them. Affirm your rebirth again and again. Live. Just Live.

One Love!
Brother T

“When the mind is nowhere it is everywhere. When it occupies one tenth, it is absent in the other nine tenths.” ~ Takuan

In my last post I wrote a little about how the teachings and attitudes of parents and teachers can either stimulate or stifle the abilities of children. Amazing things can happen when a child, or anyone for that matter, doesn’t know that they shouldn’t be able to do something. Think back to when you were a kid. You were out on the playground. You climbed the jungle gym. You hung upside down, walked on top of the bars, and slid down the ladder like a fireman down the pole. You loved the wind in your hair and the little bit of danger that you were exposed to. Then one day someone, maybe your loving Mother, yelled at you and told you to “get down and be more careful.” In that one moment two things happened, you lost a little bit of the wonder and you lost a little bit of your decision making mechanism that you would need in later life.

“To be surprised is to begin to understand.” ~ José Ortega Y Gasset

Children make mistakes. They get bumps and bruises and broken bones. They get cols and the flu. That is how they develop the skills and the immunity that they will need in their adult life. With that being said, I like to think that I am still developing and that’s why I’m making so many mistakes.

“Knowledge is knowing as little as possible.” ~ Charles Bukowski

I think back to when I started writing my first novel. It was so easy. Nobody told me I couldn’t write a novel. Nobody taught me how to put together a sentence, or build a character, or where to start and when to stop. I didn’t know about outlines or plotting or grammar or any of that other sh*t that we writers “need to know.” I just sat down at the keyboard, wrote one hundred thousand loosely connected words, and voila, a novel. It sucked. But it was easy. As I learned the tools of the trade, the sheer joy of the writing dissipated and the drudge emerged. As I embark on my fourth novel it is anything but easy.

That’s what it’s like for a kid. They pick up a golf club and figure out how to make the ball go far. It might not go straight, but man, does it go far. Or they beat on a drum for long enough and rhythms start to emerge. It is only when a grownup tells them that they are doing it wrong that their joy starts to disappear.

The same can be said for parents who force their kids into a sport or activity or profession that is the parents’ dream and not the kids. Every person has their own talents, their own “thing.” Just because dad is a good golfer doesn’t mean that the kid will be. Not every kid can grow up to be Tiger Woods. And if your kid loves golf but has no talent, encourage rather than discouraging her. She will grow out of it or she won’t. The world is filled with bad golfers that never grew out of it. That’s okay, as long as they can still derive some joy from it.

“Experience, which destroys innocence, also leads one back to it.” ~ James Baldwin

I have some good friends who have a baby daughter. One of their conscious parenting decisions is to let their daughter roam free with three protective dogs. She spends her days playing with the dogs and interacting with them. Sometimes she gets too rough and they nip at her. But they protect her and teach her skills that will be invaluable when she gets to the school playground. She might get some bumps and bruises and scratches along the way, but she’ll be a better and stronger kid for it.

I’m the last one to tell you how to raise your kids. This is one activity that I can honestly say I Know Nothing about. I’m just saying that love, encouragement, and trust will go a lot farther than stifling, discouraging, and forcing your own dreams on your kid. A happy kid is a well balanced kid. Your son might try one hundred different things before he finds what he like. Your patience will help him get there.

Until next time,
Brother T

“Keep your hands open and all of the sands of the desert can pass through them. Close them and all you can feel is a bit of grit.” ~ Taisen Deshimaru

A single grain of sand is like a single bit of news or a single idea. The desert is filled with single grains of sand, just as the world is filled with ideas and news and inspiration. I know as well as anyone how damaging it can be to latch onto a single idea and hold it until it paralyzes my mind. It has happened in my jobs, my politics, my loves, and my writings. It happens in our world to the point where our governments are paralyzed in times of crisis or problem-solving.

I have always been intrigued by Free Thought.

Hand a child a musical instrument or a golf club and watch what happens. Give them a puzzle or some paint and a brush and prepare to be amazed. As children we know no boundaries. Our only limits are the ones placed on us by our parents or our teachers. We are many times stifled by people telling us what we can and can’t do. This is the downfall of our current system of education. A child enters school with limitless possibilities. As time progresses each child gets forced into a box. They are taught what they need to know to pass the standardized tests. They are limited by the abilities of the other children in the classes. Teachers are forced into the conundrum of stifling the best for the sake of the rest. I don’t pretend to have a solution for this. I’m just saying.

“The Way of the Sage is to act but not to compete.” ~ Lao Tzu

I have wasted far too much time in my life worrying about politics. The people who “represent” us are sometimes infuriating in their inability to think for themselves. How can 535 rich folks represent me? Well, they can start by not arguing amongst themselves like a bunch of little… We need solutions. We do not need scoreboard.

“Health Care, Goal!”
“Tax cuts for rich folks, Goal!”
“No trains for the 3 C’s, Goal!”

I don’t hear anyone yelling “10% unemployment, Goal!” Quit bickering and do the work of the people. Quit the name calling and get sh*t done. Solutions are right there in the grains of sand that are running through your consciousness. Quit the ideology and get ‘er done.

“What happens to a dream deferred?

Does it dry up
like a raisin in the sun?
Or fester like a sore–
And then run?
Does it stink like rotten meat?
Or crust and sugar over–
like a syrupy sweet?

Maybe it just sags
like a heavy load.

Or does it explode?” ~ Langston Hughes

I’m tired of seeing our dreams deferred. Maybe it is time to take the blinders off. Forget all of the lessons on what you can and can’t do. The ideas are there. Stop insulting each other and insulting our intelligence. Use them. If the finest minds in America can’t figure out how to create enough jobs, balance the budget, and make our products more palatable for the rest of the world, then maybe we are truly f*cked. I hope not. In the meantime, Mr. Obama, Mr. Boehner, Mr. Brown, Mr. Stivers, Mr. Coleman, feel free to give me a call. I got lots of grains of sand in this empty old mind.

Namaste,
Brother T

2010 started out with such promise. I was in love, inspired, thinking of a future in a foreign land.

If it seems too good to be true…

It wasn’t meant to be. It took awhile, but she finally saw through my façade. I never meant to lie to her. It wasn’t a lie so much as a withholding of a vital part of my past and present. A financial hurricane that, while not insurmountable, is like an anchor weighing on any hopes of a happily ever after. I can’t blame her for disappearing without a trace. It was anything that a sane person would do when encountering a lifelong f*ckup.

Still, it would have been nice to see that Sydney New Year’s celebration up close and personal with a pretty girl at my side.

2010 was also the year that I finally escaped the restaurant business. The life of a restaurant manager is fraught with stress, frustration, temptation, workaholism and all of the other holisms.

Stress can bring out many different entities in a man. In me, it brought out the bull in the China closet. I was unlikable, prone to rage, a perfectionist in a job that is prone to imperfection. I made people cry. Often. It was only after I stepped away that I could recognize my bi-polar ways and come face to face with them. I much calmer, happier, and productive as a result.

2010 saw the completion of my third book. When I lost my girl I turned inward and focused on the writing. I reached out to an old acquaintance in a moment of complete serendipity and all of the sudden I had an editor and a publisher. The book was completely transformed the three quick massive rewrites and it was released in November. The release was not without its problems, and the problems are still ongoing, but I see a great opportunity to challenge the publishing paradigm. They will figure it out and get on to big things here in CBus. And so I write.

And write.

Last night, New Year’s Eve, was a chance to hang out with a bunch of talented men and women that are young enough to be my children. I cannot express what it is like to be in such an incubator of talent and expression. I step out my door and I’m surrounded with writer’s and musicians of all stripe. I have but to listen and a thousand ideas spring forth in my head. It is in that spirit that I came up with the High Street Soul Project. A year in the life of a dynamic street in a dynamic town in a world in flux. I don’t know what will happen with the the project, but it’ll be cool to find out.

2011 is teeming with possibilities.

I intend to finish two books this year. A thousand words a day (every day) should do it.

I intend to act with integrity, meaning what I say and saying what I mean.

I intend to live in the moment. I will work when I’m at work, write when it’s time to write, live when it’s time to live.

I intend to be a better friend to all of those who choose to befriend me and a better family man to all of those who show me their unconditional love. Who knows, maybe I will find the right girl to add to our family as well.

These are my intentions for 2011. I can’t take back all the things that I’ve done, but I can resolve to do good things in the future.

So I ask, what are your intentions? I hope that we can share.

Namaste.
One Love.
Many Smiles.
Peace and Love.
Happy New Year.

Your Friend, Brother T

The Real Four R’s

3. Respect Your Planet
a.k.a. mother earth ain’t no trifling female

This is the tough one. Every one of the billions of people on this planet has a different idea of what “respect your planet” might mean. I can’t speak for you guys, so I’m going to lay out my slacker white boy views on the subject.

1.Pick up after yourself.
In this consumer society it is more important than ever to lessen your carbon footprint and the amount of trash that you generate. This requires several “ask yourself ” moments. Do you really need to replace your 47″ television with the new 60″ model? How will you dispose of it properly? Are you going to pass it on down the line to a relative, a friend, or resell it on craigslist? How do you make sure that you pride and joy of justa few years back stays out of the city landfill.

Do you fall in the Pepsi camp or the Coke camp? Never mind. That was a rhetorical question. I can’t figure out why so many bottles and cans and cartons and cups end up on the side of every road in America. Let’s talk sandwiches. Are you a Big Mac or Whopper girl? If you’re like me, it doesn’t really matter. They are the easiest way to get half of your calories for the day in about three minutes. And then there’s the excessive packaging. Imagine if everyone were to carry around a refillable mug. A lot of you do, but then again, I’m not talking about you (unless you’re a chucklehead). Reuse, recycle, Reuse.

Just do the right thing.

4. Take Responsibility For Your Actions

Back when I was a restaurant manager, I worked for the second largest food company in America. When you run a corporate restaurant like that, you are bogged down with a lot of rules and regulations. It’s almost as bad as working in the government. It’s a lot to juggle and still get the pizzas out the door.

I was the guy that picked up all of the misfits and got them to do a good job. I’ve worked with addicts, baby gangsters and real live criminals. I had a pipeline from prison to the halfway house to the kitchen of my restaurant. As a result, I dumbed down the corporate reg-speak and boiled it down to four basic rules.

1. Don’t lie
2. Don’t steal
3. Be on time and in uniform
4. Take responsibility for your actions

The first three rules speak for themselves. The fourth is defined as this. If you screw up, come clean. It’s much better to hear it from your lips than have someone rat you out. This is a good life rule. I have not always followed it. I lost my last and best hope for romance because of it. I didn’t lie, as such, but I withheld the truth. Goodbye, girlfriend. Hello, loneliness.

Only you can control your integrity. Your word is your reputation. Your actions are your legacy. If you screw up, own up to it. There will be consequences, naturally. But your integrity cannot be denied.

Just do the right thing.

The Real Four R’s